It all starts with YOU!

I had been exploring self-development for a couple years when I was writing in my journal and I coincidentally discovered that the better I am, the better I can be for my wife; the better I can be for my wife the better we are as parents; the better we are as parents the better we can be for our kids, friends, and people around us. The better we are as a family for those around us, the better we can fulfill our purpose. A fulfilled purpose completes this positive feedback loop that starts and ends with the investment in one’s self. Investing in myself was a strange concept for me. I would create lists of my goals, and they were always directed at business or finances. I never thought of anything else. Even after I started diving deeper into “self development”, all my goals were directed outwards. Eventually I realized that I can’t serve anyone if I am not at the top of my own personal game. How can I fill another’s cup if my own cup is empty?

I started to look inward. I realized that I can build an incredible [financial] life and it all be for not if I die early from stress, being overweight, stroke, heart attack, alcohol/drug abuse, etc. This was eye opening. I started to envision my purpose here in this life. As that vision developed, my first realization was that I wasn’t treating my body right. I had not been grateful for all that my body had done and does for me on a daily basis. I would routinely focus on the ways my body had failed me without taking any responsibility for how or why my body was struggling. I simply took it for granted and treated it like a rented Hyundai that someone else paid for. Whoa.

I then realized that I wasn’t being a great dad, and I straight up wasn’t being a husband at all, period.

I was depressed and, up until the point of closing our business in Florida and moving to New York, had been on the brink of divorce. I can’t fix all this. This is all too much. What am I going to do?

Well, a pity party never got me anywhere, but I didn’t know where to start. Trying to combat against analysis paralysis, I just took action. I started with a small investment in myself. I decided I was going to exercise every morning, no matter what, before I did anything else. It became my religion. In relatively short order, I started to like the way my body was performing and the way I felt. I stayed so consistent that after about 6 months my wife noticed. Winning! She asked if I would help her with a workout plan… uhhh, [what is happening?]… of course I will!!! Wait, I don’t know how to do that… but I don’t care, I’ll figure it out, and I did.

Working out together became our religion. It became so consistent that after a year our oldest son (11 at the time) asked if he could start working out with us… [now this is getting crazy]. I told him I refused to wake him up at 5am to workout (thinking it was borderline child abuse), but if he woke up, he was more than welcome to workout with one of us. The next day, I almost shat myself as he was sitting in the living room, in the dark (weirdo), dressed in workout attire, waiting for me to come downstairs at 5am. Ok, kid, let’s do this! He woke himself up every day from then on (and still does). At the time, we were working out at the YMCA in Rochester. He had an entire row of senior citizen women that became his fan club. They would sit, slow-motion pedaling stationary bikes at the Y, and just chat him up. He was a little celebrity to the point where if he missed a day with my wife or I, the little old ladies would inquire about his absence before even saying hello.

One day at the gym over Christmas break, my son came up and said, “Daddy, that’s one of my teachers”. Cool, let’s say hi. After we said hi, she commented that she was impressed he was working out during Christmas break. I agreed but took the opportunity to brag on my son and tell her that he worked out there everyday before school on his own accord. Her jaw dropped, she complimented him, we said our goodbyes, and I never thought of it again until about a week after the new year. My son came up to me after school and said “Daddy, you remember my teacher you met at the Y?” Yea. “Well, she called me into her classroom and told me that I motivated her so much that she decided she was going to go to the Y and swim before school two days a week as a new years resolution.” Wow. I asked him how that made him feel. He paused and then said,

"Pretty good. It’s cool to know that I can make someone else want to be better just by the way I am living.” - Weston, age 11

[Insert chicken-necking, watery eyes and choked-back tears]. I assured him that I couldn’t agree more and that shy of helping someone find God, there’s not much more we can achieve in life. Then, as his eyes started to water, I told him how proud I was of him and wrapped him in a hug. Winning… again!

It took over a year, but that was the first time I saw a crazy concept I wrote in a journal come to fruition. I empirically saw my life starting to take a turn for the better because of small, consistent, and intentional action taken every day. Improving myself by exercising lead to helping my wife, which lead to attracting my son, which led to him impacting perfect strangers. This whole cycle left me more fulfilled than ever before. This experience set me on fire. I began to truly see and understand the “gardens” and what “big rocks” were. I started to form distinct goals/rocks in order to tend each “garden”/important area of my life and the results have been incredible.

My challenge to you is to start to envision the man you want to be. What does he look like, act like, talk like? How does he treat his friends, employees or co-workers? How does he treat his wife and kids? What traits does the man you want to be have that you are lacking or are a little rusty on? This is where you will find your big rocks and your priorities, this is where you start…

Don’t get overwhelmed. It often seems impossible to know where to start or what it all means.

The most important thing is that you start. Pick one garden and start pulling weeds. This week focus on yourself. How can you invest in yourself to make yourself stronger and better for those around you?

Just remember. It’s easy to get motivated and never follow through.

Action and commitment are key. This means continuing to do what you said you would long after the mood you said it in has left you.

Don’t forget that we are doing this together. Feel free to share your experiences or struggles and the goals you have. I would love to know how I can help you!